eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
