I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
