I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
