Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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