So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
