He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
