he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
