what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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