My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
