i wish there were pregnant emoticons
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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