Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
