You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize