is your mom at the bar?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
