You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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