Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
