Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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