Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
