4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
