bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
