And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
