and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
