What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
