I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
