so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
