we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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