I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
