True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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