My balls are so social today.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
