if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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