Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
