i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
