I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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