I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
