non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
