You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
