I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
