headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize