Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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