we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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