my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
