No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
