just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
