Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
soo... how was my night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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