Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
