Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
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