my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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