Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
