So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
