Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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