Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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