just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
