I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
