We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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