I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
