The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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