Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
