I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Say something about gay babies.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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