No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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