how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
