You just made me feel so damn special
I don't think brook has ever known best
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
