everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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