i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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