I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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