when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I fill condoms, not promises.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
