I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
