she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
