He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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