Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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