Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize