well you can't waste a boner
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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