hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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