i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
