I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
