Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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