My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i believe in u and ur pee
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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