i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
