I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
