Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
