Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
