even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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