I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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