who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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