please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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