i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
