that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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