is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
