Apparently you make a good broom.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
