You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
