it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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