Sponge bath it is.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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